My Identity in Christ....

Well, God has been giving me some interesting revelations lately that I wanted to share about, which is dealing with our identity in Christ. A lot lately, I personally have been struggling with things in my personal walk with the Lord. I would ask people how do I get boldness and get past certain things in my walk with him. I asked this very thing to a very dear friend of mine just yesterday and she says, "move". Just move, Kelly. I was like are you nuts. You know me. I am shy and don't do that. When I began thinking about it though, if most of us would "move", I bet we would see a lot more happen in our lives than just complete randomness and comfort ability. "Move" I know is a very hard word to swallow, but as we were talking, it gripped my heart even more.

Praising God is something I take very much to heart. I would see others praising God with boldness like no other. They would shout, move along with the music, and do other things that would impress me so much, and I would long to do this. I longed for boldness that they had to do that, but could not figure out how to get it. I realized that what they do might not be right for me. Everyone has there own form of how they worship. We all have come a long way in our walk with the Lord, but our thanks to him is thanks, but in different ways. Then when I left that conversation, and thought about things, and the meaning of what that conversation really meant never came to me, until I talked with a dear friend of mine who used to be my pastors wife and one of the best at that.

As I began to explain things to her, she told me one thing that touched my spirit like no other has before. She told me that I was not comfortable in my Identity in Christ. WOW!!! Confirmation!! It was the same thing that my dear friend earlier in whom I had talked with said, but just was said in a different way and confirmed. As I started to think about it, everything that I had been struggling with came back to that one thing. My identity and who I am and should be in Christ. What a stunning revelation it was.

So, we have been going through a fast in the last 40 days and reading a book called, "The 40 days of Purpose", By Rick Warren. It has taught me quite a bit on a lot of subjects. I had fallen a lot behind in my reading, (SHHHHHHHHH, dont tell no one I said that), hehe, and had to catch everything up, so during my kids naps today I picked the book up and started to read. I suppose I was only a week behind, so I was about on the 30th chapter I think, so it was not to bad.

As I began to read, he talked about our assigment and accepting who God had made us to be with what he has called us to do. Ok, Lord I here ya. Then as I began to read more, I began to feel conviction in my heart about some things I was reading. It was what God wanted me to hear. He had his reasons for me waiting to read what I was reading, and it was at the exact moment I needed to read it all.

One thing that really hit me hard was a quote that was said in the book that kind of summed everything up I suppose. "To do this you must discover your shape, learn to accept and enjoy it, and then develop it to its fullest potential". This means using all of our experinces in our lifes and accept who we have become. Its hard to do so, but we have to, to be totally used like Christ wants us to be. My thoughts have been different lately. I wanted to do bigger things in life first instead of being trusted in the small things first. "But before attempting the extrodinary, try serving in ordinary ways", is a quote by Rick Warren. This is so very true. We as people, want to go straight to the top instead of just serving where we need to and then move up as the oppertunity may in the future present itself. And if you never move up, you are still doing wonders for Christ and having so much fun doing it all. I sure am...

The thing that hit me the worse was a paragrah that was on identity. "If your going to be a servant, you must settle your identity in Christ. Only secure people can serve. Insecure people are always worrying about how they appear to others. They fear exposure of their weaknesses and hide beneath layers of protective pride and pretentions. The more insecure you are, the more you will want people to serve you, and the more you will need their approval. Henri Nouwen said, ....In order to be of service to others we have to die to them: that is, we have to give up measuring out meaning and value with a yard stick of others....thus we become free to be compassionate..... When you base your worth and identity on your relationship to Christ, you are freed from the expectations of others, and that allows you to really serve them best." This was such a power quote to me becasue this is all that I feel like I have been struggling with. My worth, purpose, and meaning of life itself. How much I am valued with people, with how much I do, or what I do in life, and how I look at myself personally as a woman, wife, and freind. I am hard on myself in a lot of ways, but the thing I struggle most with is looks. I think all women do to a certain extent.

One of the things that I have been really struggling with though is speaking in groups. I go to a ladies bible study at my church and had the same teacher or leader for every bible study I have ever done until now. I have a different leader, but was so afriad that I would not be able to speak up as much as I would want to. Loved the leader and have known her forever. Being scared to talk is a big thing to me. I dont trust people easily, so its been tough. My former Leader always told me that I had a lot of great things that I need to say, and I needed to say it to bless others. Well, telling about my struggles and experinces is not easy sometimes. They are very personal to me, but I am learning that the more personal they are the more God can use them for his glory. That is very powerful for sure. So, instead of being pretentious about speaking I am making a decision to speak out more and not give into fear, and I am sure I will see a lot of things that God will do through me.

Dealing with looks, we must remember that Christ has made us in his image and when we look at ourselves badly, God greives becasue he made us precoius. He is the one who created us, and he created us to be wonderful in his sight. We must take a hold of this and take it completely to heart. I have to remind myself of this becasue I have been really convicted over this the last few months on this subject alone. I have also realized that if we want to change on the outside we must change things about ourselves on the inside. This has become a reality about myself lately, and when I would try something on and did not think others would think it would look good I was say, "Heck, I am wearing it anyways, and if they have a problem with it, its not my problem, its theres". Now, that may sound harsh, but as I got to church I got a complete different response than I thought I would ever get. People commented me on what I was wearing. It made me feel so wonderful. Its great how God can work isnt it.

So, from this day on I have decided not to measure myself on the expectations of others, but in whom Christ wants me to be. Is it a battle everyday. You bet, but totally worth it, becasue I know that my Lord is with me every step of the way helping me and teaching me what I need to know and learn to be a disciple of his word that he is proud of, and that is all that matters or should matter anyways. I am trying to accept that what is right for some people, whether in worship or in ministry, might not be what is right for me. God has made us all different and its our choice to except what he has given us to be totally used for his pupose.

Thank God for his revelations and he always does it right on time. I thank God for my identity in him. I hope you thank him to. God Bless....